The Soundtrack of Lily and James
by Blondie Pants
Summary: A series of songfics that tell the story of Lily and James. From their 7th year to their death.
1. Should've Said No

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I didn't come up with it. I don't get paid for this. Please show your appreciation and review. It's the only form of recognition I get.

**Should've Said No**

Lily happened to be in a good mood when she walked into the Head Girl's suite Wednesday afternoon. She had just aced a test in Transfiguration (which was far from her best subject), and Amos Diggory, her boyfriend, had promised that he would go for a walk with her around the lake. As she wandered around the room, humming softly and picking up a stray sock here and there, a folded note that sat in the center of her pillow caught her eye. Her humming stopped as she picked up the parchment and read it.

_What you do with this is your business, but I suggest you go look behind the fourth floor tapestry of six knights hunting. _

Lily reread the single sentence several times, trying to figure out who might have written it. It wasn't James and his friends; she could recognize any of their handwriting because of all their detentions and pranks, not to mention all of the annoying letters James sent in an attempt to ask her out.

Eventually though, curiosity won over, and Lily left the room. She took several shortcuts, and was standing in front of the tapestry in a matter of minutes. The embroidery on the huge piece of cloth was really quite extraordinary; the angry boar's fur looked so realistic that Lily felt like if she touched it, it would turn around and drive its huge tusk through her stomach.

Lily reached out a hand and quietly pushed the tapestry aside. Amos was there, wrapped up in the arms of Alexa, a shapely blonde Ravenclaw fifth-year that was building quite a reputation for herself. Alexa moaned in pleasure as his mouth teased hers and his hands roamed her body.

Lily must have made some sound without meaning to, because Amos surfaced and turned to see her. "Lily—"

But Lily had already turned and ran back to her Head Girl's suite before he had a chance to make excuses.

When she got there, she sat down on the soft couch and buried her face in her hands. _How long?_ She thought. _How long has he been doing this?_ Lily felt something warm and wet touch her fingertips, and when she looked, she discovered that she was crying. "Damn…" She sat up straight and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Lily, stop," she said sternly to herself. "He's not worth it." Hoping to distract herself, she grabbed her Charms book off the table and found the lesson that they were going to do tomorrow.

_  
It's strange to think the songs we used to sing  
The smiles, the flowers, everything…is gone  
Yesterday I found out about you  
Even now just looking at you…feels wrong  
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes..._

Lily had read the lesson and mastered the spell last night, so instead of listening to Flitwick, she watched Amos's brown curls, two rows in front of her, and how they bobbed with every small movement.

She'd been avoiding Amos all morning, but she would have bet every Galleon that she owned that he would corner her after class. She wished there was another way to do it—she hated public confrontation—but she knew that he would twist the story if she didn't make sure everyone heard.

_It's odd,_ Lily thought, _this is the end. No more sweet smiles, no more flowers with cute notes, no more loving words whispered in my ear…it even feels wrong just _looking_ at him._

The bell rang, and everyone scrambled for their books. Lily walked into the corridor with her two best friends, Nicole and Erin, and found Amos waiting for her.

"Lily, can we talk? In private?"

"If you want to talk, then talk."

"Please? Can we go somewhere else?"

"No, either start talking or let me go to lunch." All other conversation had stopped. Everyone was watching Lily and Amos, even her friends had vanished into the crowd; they knew that no matter how little Lily liked it, all attention had to be on her and Amos right now. It was the only way to minimize false rumors.

He took a step towards her and looked straight into her green eyes. Lily stared right back, trying to not be distracted by his beautiful dark brown—_Focus, Lily!_ "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't want you to see that."

"So if I hadn't seen it, if I'd remained in my little fantasy world where I was the only girl in your life, that would have made it okay?" Lily barely managed to keep her voice steady

He fidgeted. "Well…no. Look, I'm really sorry; I take back everything I did—"

"You can't take something like this back, Amos."

"Just give me another chance, one more chance, Lils. I promise it won't happen again. She just…she grabbed me and pulled me back there and before I could push her away, she'd turned my brain into mush."

"Now you're going to blame this on _her_? That's really low."

_  
You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, 'bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me…  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

"You should've pushed her away the second you realized what she wanted. You should've told her you had a girlfriend. You should've given a second thought to what you were doing and realized it was wrong.

"Another chance? No. In my book, boys get _one_ chance, and if they screw up, that's it. You don't get another chance. I was your girlfriend, Amos. You should have thought about me, about how what you were doing would make me feel. You should've known that I would find out. Gossip travels fast around here." Her voice quavered a little bit, and Lily took a few breaths to steady it. She couldn't cry now.

"You shouldn't be begging my forgiveness, because you never should have cheated on me. You should've said no, 'cause if you had, you'd still have me."

_You can see that I've been crying  
And baby you know all the right things…to say  
But do you honestly expect me to believe  
We could ever be the same...  
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes..._

Amos's next question was so quiet that Lily barely heard it. If anyone in that corridor had been talking, she would've missed it.

"Did you cry?"

"You know what? I did. And I'm mad at myself because of that. You don't deserve those tears. I'm mad at myself for letting you hurt me enough to make me cry. But," Lily's voice acquired a sarcastic undertone, "don't worry, I'm done crying.

"And I'm done with you."

"Baby, please…can't we pretend like it never happened? It's in the past, forgive and forget, right?"

Lily forced out what she hoped was a condescending laugh. "Damn, you know just what to say, don't you? How many times have you done this, Amos? Do you really think we could be the same, just act like it never happened? I would always see you cheating on me. You shattered my trust, and no, you don't get it back. Maybe someday as a friend, but never as a boyfriend. No, Amos, we're done."

_You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, 'bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me…  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

Lily turned and elbowed her way through the crowd. Amos just stood there for a moment, staring dumbly at the place where his ex-girlfriend had disappeared, before readjusting his bag on his shoulder and turning down the corridor in the opposite direction.

James, who had observed the whole scene from in the crowd, watched Diggory's back retreat down the corridor with an expression of mixed shock, respect, and smugness on his face. _Hell hath no fury like that of Lily Evans scorned,_ he thought. Try as he might, James couldn't feel sorry for him. The idiot had brought it upon himself by thinking no one would find out and tell.

Smirking, James turned and followed the crowd downstairs to lunch.

After lunch, Amos caught up with her in the entrance hall, just as she was putting her foot on the lowest stair of the huge marble staircase. "Lily, please…"

She stopped, her back to him and one foot on the stair. Everything he had said in the corridor after class came rushing back and Lily considered forgiving him. Just this once.

"It was just once, Lils. One little mistake. People make mistakes, right? No one's perfect."

Lily didn't answer for a moment. A part of her was screaming "Yes! Forgive him!" but the sensible part of her knew better. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to respond rationally. "No, no one's perfect, but this is not a little mistake. A mistake would be tripping and landing in a compromising position. A mistake would be letting her flirt with you because you were too clueless to realize that she was flirting. It's not a mistake to go snog random girls like there's no tomorrow."

_I can't resist…before you go, tell me this  
Was it worth it…  
Was she worth this…_

She took a few steps up the stairs, then stopped and turned back to look at him. "I can't resist asking: was Blondie worth this?" Amos avoided her gaze and didn't reply.

"You should've thought about that before you said yes."

xXxXxXxXx

Thanks for reading! Next one will be "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Disney's _Hercules_.


	2. I Won't Say

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I didn't come up with it. I don't get paid for this. Please show your appreciation and review. It's the only form of recognition I get.

The song is "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from the soundtrack of Disney's _Hercules._

**I Won't Say**

_If there's a prize for rotten judgment  
I guess I've already won that  
No man is worth the aggravation  
That's ancient history, been there, done that!_

If picking losers for boyfriends was an Olympic sport, I'd have the gold. Only two weeks had passed and Amos had already been caught ditching class to make out with his new girlfriend. Three times.

So, I'd sworn off men. 'Cause really, none of them are worth the heartache. That part of my life was history, though certainly a lot less boring than Binns' history. Point is, no more dating.

I let my chin sunk down to the desk and looked up at the students around me. Erin, one of my best friends, was taking notes next to me. That was a bit odd. I always took notes in Transfiguration. And she usually dozed off. Today, I was hardly paying attention at all. Nikky was on Erin's other side, watching a spider weave a web in the corner. I looked to the other side. Black was admiring his own reflection in the window, clearly pleased, and Potter was tipping his chair back on two legs and messing up his hair. Stupid Potter. Stupid hair.

_Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of_

Erin pushed the parchment closer to me and I looked. Oh, she wasn't taking notes. She was writing one. To me.

Lily, you're staring at James again, it said.

_Shit. _ I snatched it away and wrote back. I was NOT. I hoped she would believe that I had been staring into space or something…I had just glanced at him for a second! Erin read my note and started writing back. Had he noticed to? I glanced up and saw James Bighead Potter was watching me with a smirk. I felt the blush rising in my face and turned my gaze to inspect the grains of wood on the surface of my desk.

Erin's note slid over and I pulled it closer to read. Lily, you can lie to the rest of the world and to yourself, but Nikky and I know you better. You're practically transparent when it comes to guys.

I wrote my reply so quickly that my usually impeccable handwriting was terrible, and I punched a hole in the parchment. Potter has made it his personal mission to find out if I can actually get mad enough to breathe fire.

Erin read what I wrote and smirked, bending over the now-mangled parchment. Haven't you noticed that he's been way better lately? He calls you Lily, not Evans, and he's cut down on pranking Snape. Want more examples?

_No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no  
(You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh)_

_It's too cliche  
I won't say I'm in love_

Had he? Come to think of it, I hadn't seen or heard of Snape being publicly humiliated in any way at all recently. Yes, I had noticed that he was calling me by my first name instead of my last, but we hardly talked anyway. Only when we absolutely had to, for Head Boy and Girl business. No, I do not. And I think I will make this very clear right now: James is just trying to play with me. Eventually he'll get bored with trying to be good and he'll go back to normal.

Why do you insist on being difficult? Erin passed her note back, looking at me with the same expression that she used when I refused to eat the mint humbugs at the banquets.

I blew a lock of hair out of my face in frustration. What do you think I am, a trashy romance novel character? Boy's been after Girl for years, she's never given him the time of day, one day she turns around and, boom, Girl realizes that Boy is drop dead gorgeous and why did she never realize it before? That is so not happening here.

Maybe you _are_ a trashy romance novel character. Please at least admit you like him, Lily. A little bit?

_I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming get a grip, girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out_

I considered carefully before I wrote back. I decided to answer her, in a roundabout way. You'd think that a heart could only take so much abuse before it puts up a "closed" sign. I remember how great it felt when I started dating Amos. Having someone waiting on me, telling me I looked beautiful when I had woken up late, stuff like that. I know that I have to get control of my emotions NOW, before I end up exactly where I was a few weeks ago.

_You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad_

It took Erin a while to read what I wrote, and I couldn't stop fidgeting while she did. Eventually, with a small smile, she started writing back. Maybe so. But however you decide to deal with this is not my problem (or Nikky's for that matter), but we're not going to let it go.

_No chance, now way  
I won't say it, no, no  
(Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love)  
This scene won't play,  
I won't say I'm in love  
You're doin flips read our lips  
You're in love_

I glared at the parchment, angry that I had almost collapsed under her crafty interrogation. This is completely stupid. There is no way that I could ever think of Potter as anything other than an arrogant toerag.

You chuckled when you wrote that.

Crap, I had thought that was quieter. Because it's true! I'm not even going to do this anymore. Write notes to yourself if you want, but I'm going to listen. Some of us have marks to maintain.

No, you're going to watch the back of James' head. 

I levitated the paper into the rubbish bin a few feet away.

_You're way off base  
I won't say it  
Get off my case  
I won't say it  
(Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love)  
Oh  
At least out loud,  
I won't say I'm in love_

Erin pushed a fresh parchment towards me, but I refused to touch it. I tried to keep myself from reading it, but curiosity won over.

Look, all I'm saying is that it would be great if you liked him. He's changed a lot, but you haven't seen it because you're determined to find every possible reason to hate him. He's perfect for you, Lily. Just think about it, okay?

I muttered a vanishing spell and the parchment disappeared with a tiny puff of purple smoke. Erin smiled smugly, clearly satisfied that her mission had been accomplished.

I sat down in my desk and spent the rest of the period trying to hear McGonagall, but when the bell rang, I couldn't even recall what the lecture had been on. While everyone was busy shoving their materials into their bags and made for the door, I noticed James talking to Sirius on their way out.

_Maybe I am in love,_ I thought. _But I still won't say it._


	3. If You're Not the One

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I didn't come up with it. I don't get paid for this. Please show your appreciation and review. It's the only form of recognition I get.

The song is "If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield.

Just so y'all know, the next chapter is giving me a massive headache. I hope it wont be TOO long until I have something worth posting. Send the love, it motivates me!

**If You're Not the One**

James had been hoping it would snow that evening, even just a tiny bit. Hogsmead always looked so beautiful during a gentle snowfall, that it was always worth braving the cold just to see it. As it was, it had _not_ snowed, and his date with Lily—his _one_ shot—was falling apart.

_Please, Lily,_ he was repeating in his head. _Please give me a second chance._

_If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?  
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?  
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?  
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?_

James' mind was racing at a hundred kilometers per hour, trying to reassure himself that it would all work out. After all, if he and Lily weren't meant for each other then why had her agreement to go out with him caused him such sheer elation that he performed a rather embarrassing victory dance (unfortunately witnessed by Sirius and Remus)? Why did her head fit the contours of his shoulder so perfectly if it wasn't meant to be there? James suspected that this date had begun as a way for Lily to prove to herself that they really were wrong for each other. The fact that it was ending on a park bench—with her head on his shoulder—as they watched the stars peek out through snow-laden clouds, gave him hope that her plan had failed.

_I don't know what the future brings  
But I know you're here with me now  
We'll make it through  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with_

James wondered if she would finally admit that she liked him—and God, he hoped so_—_or if she would stubbornly pretend that this date had been exactly what she had expected. He fervently hoped for the former. He wanted Lily to believe that he could be in a serious relationship, but he wanted to prove that in a relationship with _her_ (rather than have her watch him attempt it with someone else), and she just wasn't very welcoming to that particular idea.

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?_

"James?"

"Hmm?"

Lily abruptly sat up and turned to look at him, a serious expression in those bright green eyes that James so adored. "You've proven to me that you're not entirely an arrogant prat. You can have an intelligent conversation, and you actually care about more than just Quidditch and yourself. And I would really like to be friends."

_Damn, she can slap me without even touching me or her wand,_ James thought. He wasn't exactly surprised, but that didn't make it any better. "Friends?" His voice cracked a little as he held back his disappointment, and he cleared his throat to hide it.

Lily graced him with a small smile. James thought that maybe it was even a little sad. "That's all I think we ever could be. I've hated you for too long."

"No kidding." There was an awkward silence for a few moments. James finally broke it by dragging himself to his feet and offering a hand to help her to her up. "Well then, friend, would you like to return to school now?" He smiled cheerfully, hoping he was hiding his devastation well.

She chuckled and took the outstretched hand. "Sure." He pulled her up, but let go as soon as she had her feet under her. The two headed up towards the school, talking about nothing in particular. She didn't seem to (or pretended not to) notice his forced smiles or the way he looked at her like a small child looks at his favorite toy that's been put on a high shelf. In sight, but so far out of reach.

_If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?  
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?  
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?  
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my _

Lily was sitting on the couch, holding a baby. James didn't recognize the room she was sitting in, but it was clearly the sitting room of a fairly average house. He looked closer and saw that she looked a bit different. Older maybe. More mature. There were slight shadows under her eyes and a weary, but clearly happy, smile on her lips. He couldn't see the baby from where he stood, but she looked at it with an expression that only mothers wear. The whole scene was a little blurry, so James took his glasses off and wiped the lenses. It didn't help, and he opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but discovered that he could not speak. He tried again, but nothing happened. He was distracted from this puzzling discovery when the door to the next room opened.

James took a couple steps back in shock. He was staring at himself, but different somehow. Like Lily, he looked older and tired. James knew he was dreaming now, so his initial shock faded into depression when Dream James crossed the room, sat down next to Lily, and put his arm around her. He stared at the baby with a similar expression to Lily's, and kissed her cheek. Lily said something too quietly for him to hear and handed the baby to Dream James. He replied, took the child, and left the room. Lily stretched out on the couch and yawned.

James opened his eyes to a dark room and a strange feeling beneath his face. He raised his head from a damp pillow and tried to reorient himself. He touched his face and, to his horror, discovered the cause—he'd been crying. He slammed his fist into pillow in frustration and climbed out of bed.

_I don't know why you're so far away  
But I know this much is true  
We'll make it through  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with  
And I wish that you could be the one I die with  
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with  
And I hope I love you all my life._

Lily was curled up in her armchair by the dying fire in the Head's office. She hadn't been able to sleep, instead she had been replaying the whole evening in her head, over and over again. For once in her life, she kept second-guessing herself. Had she done the right thing? She honestly didn't think that this…thing could ever really work, and she had decided it was kinder this way than to date him for a while and then end it. She hadn't expected it to hurt her to.

It had surprised her when she realized how much she actually _wanted _to be with him. Their date had been so different than she had expected. She had agreed to the whole ridiculous business mostly to give herself some justification for not dating him, but it had done the exact opposite.

One of the doors behind her opened and Lily stiffened. Since only there were only two inhabitants of the Head's suite, it could only be one person. How was she supposed to make a rational decision with him sitting in the same room? James appeared in the corner of her eye and dropped himself into his armchair, not even noticing her. They had adjusted the angle of the chairs so that they weren't directly in the line of sight of the other, but he still would have seen her had he not been concentrating so hard on the dying coals of the fire, as if they would give him the answer to whatever puzzling question he was clearly asking himself.

Watching him, Lily wondered if she could ever fall in love with the boy sitting next to her. Probably not. But if she didn't give it a shot, she would spend the rest of her life wondering what _could_ have happened. She winced at her own cliché. There was only one way she could spare herself that torture. At least, that's what she was trying to convince herself. If she could be completely honest with herself, she would have admitted that she really did love him. But Lily was too stubborn for that, it was far too late to entertain such thoughts.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

James just about jumped out of his skin. "I guess not…why couldn't you?" he blurted before he could stop himself.

"What, sleep? Just…thinking."

_I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

"About?"

"…Nothing." _Crap, how do I tell him that I might want to rethink what I said earlier?_ "I feel more tired now. I think I'm going to give sleep another try." She got up from her chair and headed for her door.

"Lily…"

She stopped, but didn't turn around. She heard him get out of his chair and cross the room.

He stopped. "Lily, please look at me."

She did.

He was right there, staring at her with an expression that even she couldn't name.

'_Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away  
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today  
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right  
And though I can't be with you tonight  
I know my heart is by your side_

"Lily Evans, I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the time in fifth year when you told me off for hexing Sniv—Snape. I was shocked that any girl would talk to me like that. Bloody hell, you pissed me off so much. You still do sometimes. But I think I don't mind so much now. In fact, I think I love it. And maybe it's wrong, but I think I love you."

Lily was frozen. She was so confused. _Why?_ Why was she feeling things that she knew were impossible? She knew that it was pathetic, but her mind kept straying to that park bench. How his shoulder cradled her head so perfectly, as if it had been designed with the placement of her ear in mind. She could still feel his warm, strong arm around her. She wanted to just live with the decision that she had made, but she just found that she couldn't.

"I couldn't sleep tonight because I kept wondering if I had been too quick to make a decision today," Lily said shakily. "I don't know if we're right or not either, but I guess I'm willing to try anything at this point."

James hesitantly took her hand and stroked the back of it slowly. "Lily, will you be my girlfriend?"

She swallowed the lump that rose up through her throat. She wasn't sure about this whole thing yet, all she knew was that it wouldn't end the same as last time. "Yes, James, I most definitely will."


	4. Stand

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I didn't come up with it. I don't get paid for this. Please show your appreciation and review. It's the only form of recognition I get.

The song is "Stand" by Rascal Flatts.

A/N: I really wanted to do all eight parts of the series in chronological order, but I got itchy to write this, and I'm totally uninspired by the others. So, The eight part series is now four, and jumps four years. I still MIGHT do the rest, but likely not. I am really happy with what I do have.

It sort of disappointed me that the way Rowling depicted it, James was killed without any fight or struggle. So I took a few artistic liberties. Sue me.

And hey, fun fact of the day, James and Lily were twenty-one when they died. That's right, twenty-_one_. When I did the math on that one and worked it out, I was totally shocked. They really were so, so young.

**Stand**

_October 31st, 1981_

Lily had fallen asleep with the tattered book in her lap. She had read _Pride and Prejudice_ countless times, but never seemed to enjoy it any less. James could not comprehend why she loved it so much; it was tedious and long, full of too much talking and not enough fighting.

"Lily," he murmured into her hair. "Lily." She stirred, opening her eyes halfway, and smiled sleepily at him. "We should go upstairs to sleep. We'll both have backaches tomorrow if we stay here." She nodded and sat up, stretching.

A soft cracking sound reached their ears. Husband and wife stopped dead, suddenly no longer tired.

"James, the spells…"

The horrifying, high-pitched cackle reached their ears. The one that invaded their nightmares every night.

_You feel like a candle in a hurricane  
Just like a picture with a broken frame  
Alone and helpless  
Like you've lost your fight  
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright_

"Lily, take Harry and go!" he shouted, diving for his wand. "It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

"That's suicide!"

He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her desperately. "I know. But I can buy you some time. Now _go_."

"James, _no_—"

He pushed her towards the stairs, almost roughly. "_Go!_"

Lily stumbled, her sight blurred by tears, but managed to find the stairs and climb them. A horribly familiar cackle reverberated through the house, followed by the crash of a curse hitting something.

Too late, Lily realized she had left her wand downstairs.

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees, you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad, you get strong  
Wipe your hands, shake it off  
Then you stand_

The tall figure, robed in flowing black, entered the room slowly, lazily. "Valiant, Potter, but it won't matter. She can't Apparate." A stream of yellow light shot from his wand, which James dodged. "Ironic, that all your protective spells should work to _my_ advantage."

James dodged another curse, not unlike dodging a Bludger, and threw one of his own. Voldemort batted it aside effortlessly, destroying the couch and coffee table. Someone's spell blasted through the wall and half of the kitchen, reducing it to smithereens. Plaster dust made James' eyes water, and he swore. He flung another curse at the black shape in front of him.

"Am I too much without your classmates backing you?"

James felt a curse hit him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and slamming him against the wall.

"You have no idea how much I've looked forward to this moment, Potter," he said, advancing on him, wand up. "You've caused me a lot of grief. Finally, _die. Avada—"_

James threw out a leg, sending the murderous wizard sprawling. The ridiculousness would have been comical any other time. James jumped to his feet, planting himself directly in front of the stairs. "_Leave. Them. Alone._"

Voldemort laughed, rising back to his feet. "You cannot stop me."

"Watch me."

_Life's like a novel  
With the end ripped out  
The edge of a canyon  
With only one way down  
Take what you're given before its gone  
Start holding on, keep holding on_

Regardless of his confident, defiant words, James knew that he could not win this fight. He was straining his ears, trying to figure out if Lily had gotten out.

James saw the lipless mouth form the words, saw the green light shooting towards him, but even as he moved to dodge, he knew he was a split second too late.

Voldemort cackled again as the life was wiped from hazel eyes. If anyone had come anywhere close to causing the trouble for him that Dumbledore had, it would be James Potter. Something resembling a smile appeared on the mutilated face as he walked up the stairs smoothly. There was no way the girl had escaped, there were too many wards on the house and she had left her wand downstairs.

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees, you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad, you get strong  
Wipe your hands, shake it off  
Then you stand_

She had pushed the dresser up against the door in a weak attempt to buy some time. He blasted it apart with a Reductor Curse, almost embarrassing in its simplicity. She was holding the crying baby to her chest and deposited him in his crib as Voldemort stepped over the broken wood. She turned and threw her arms out, as if that would offer some protection.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"

He so _wanted_ to kill her, but Severus had provided invaluable information, and the Dark Lord always rewarded the loyal. He raised his wand.

"Stand aside, you silly girl… stand aside, now."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead—"

"This is my last warning—"

"Not Harry! Please… have mercy… have mercy… Not Harry! Not Harry! Please—I'll do anything—" Desperate tears rolled down her cheeks, but she did not move away from the crib.

"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"

_Every time you get up  
And get back in the race  
One more small piece of you  
Starts to fall into place_

Voldemort did not have patience for her sniveling. She was clearly not going to give up the boy. Severus would just have to deal with it.

"_Avada Kedavra!"_

She screamed and fell, hitting the carpet with an ungraceful _thud_.

Voldemort kicked a limp arm away and stepped closer to the crib. The little boy sat there, crying, with one thumb in his mouth. He breathed deeply. This was it. After he killed this mere _child_, there would be _no one_ who could stop him. He would be invincible, immortal. No other witch or wizard had ever split his soul into seven pieces. He raised his wand and shouted the curse.

_Pain._

It's all he knew. Ripping, clawing, biting, burning, breaking. He was blind, deaf, and helpless. For how long, he had no idea…

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees, you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad, you get strong  
Wipe your hands, shake it off  
Then you stand, then you stand_

_November 1st, 1981_

Remus Lupin had never seen a more beautiful sunrise. Pink and gold arrows shot across the sky, dancing with glee. A crown of colors adorned the roof of the house, cheering the absence of the glowing green skull-and-snake. Wizards all over the continent were drinking and celebrating, and why shouldn't they? He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was finally defeated. They could breathe easily, live without fear.

Remus, however, was not in a celebratory mood. He stood in the middle of Godric's Hollow, watching the sunrise spread her lovely orange and lilac wings over what could easily turn out to be the worst day of his life. It was definitely in the top three already.

_Crack._

"Oh my God…It can't be."

"It is, Peter." Remus' own voice surprised him. It was quiet, but very calm and steady.

"Harry?"

"He survived somehow. Dumbledore hid him. He's safe."

"But…_how_?" Peter was so used to his friend, the bookworm, having answers. But Remus didn't have answers this time. He just shook his head. _Who knows…_

More members of the Order _popped_ into the little neighborhood, one by one. Murmurs of horror and disbelief grew with every person that arrived.

"How'd he find them?"

"James owled me_ yesterday_…"

"Where is he now?"

Remus couldn't take it anymore. Anything would be preferable to listening to their chatter, even entering the house in front of him. He forced one foot to move, then the other, until he was moving forward steadily.

"Remus! Death Eaters might still be in there!"

He ignored them and pushed open the unlocked front door.

It seemed like everything had been destroyed. Furniture was in pieces, inhabitants of pictures looked around worriedly from inside smashed frames, broken voices still emitted from the remains of the wireless. A hole was blasted through the wall to the kitchen, revealing that it was just as destroyed. Lily's precious blender, a rather fantastic Muggle invention that made fruit drinks, lay shattered. Remus was aware that Peter had followed him, and maybe one or two others, but he ignored them.

It all could have been fixed with a few spells. But there was an odd beauty in the wreckage. It was physical proof of the fight that James had known he would lose, but fought anyway.

James himself had fallen at the bottom of the stairs. His hazel eyes looked unfamiliar to Remus, devoid of laughter and mischief. His mouth was open in a shout of warning, one that may or may not have reached Lily.

Remus had seen friends die, on both sides of the war. Former classmates, teachers, people he had only known for five minutes. People who hadn't been part of the Order, cut down because the Death Eaters felt like it. But this was _James_, who had devoted three years to finding a way to keep Remus company during his transformations. Who was never at a loss for a joke, even when Lily was in labor and trying to curse him into oblivion. Who had crossed wands with Voldemort himself _three times,_ and lived. Why should this time be any different?

The young wizard had expected to cry. He had expected to lose all pretenses of invincibility and quiet stability, to break into a small child and beg for his mother to come make everything all right. He was not prepared for this cold, removed man to take over his body. He _wanted _to break, to blubber like a baby in his grief for his best friends, but he couldn't even muster up a tear. He stepped around James' long, gangly limbs and climbed the stairs.

A cold breeze blew down the hallway from the gaping hole that was what remained of the nursery. Remus walked in, stepping gingerly in between the splintered ruins of the door and dresser. A colorful Quidditch mobile twisted around lazily as the miniature Snitch fluttered.

He moved a broken piece of the crib aside. Lily's unmistakable eyes were filled with terror and sadness, but her gaze was still fixed on where the crib used to stand. It was then the last puzzle piece fell into place in Remus' mind.

"SIRIUS!" he screamed, rage flooding his body. "SIRIUS, DAMN YOU!"


End file.
